Are you driving this car?
Are you in the driver’s seat of your life or do you feel like a passenger, unable to influence the direction or the scenery, just sitting there having it all happen around you, feeling powerless?
My definition of true power is having the conscious, mindful capacity to steer your life towards its most fulfilling and satisfying potential. Power is knowing that you are in the driver’s seat. It’s getting in that car, having the map to know where to drive and feeling confident taking charge of your direction.
What I am really saying is you are the one who can make this life of yours irresistible, satisfying, delicious and meaningful.
So buckle up, let’s get those wheels on the road.
Here are my three fundamentals to getting you back into your own true power.
1. Get comfortable with discomfort (or, get in that car)
To begin the journey, you first need to get in the car. (Okay, maybe you could walk, but stick with me, even if the metaphor does have a few loopholes!)
To get anywhere, to really live your best life, you have to get in the car, whether you like the scenery or not.
It takes trust. Trust in your heart.
When we don’t trust our heart, we become incredibly talented at avoiding discomfort. We barely touch the steering wheel, we avoid the driver’s seat or we divert around the countryside, using all the controls we can devise to avoid a certain emotion or disappointment, only to feel exhausted and spent (and out of fuel) with the effort.
It’s like trying to drive a car while you’re not even in the driver’s seat. You are moving but you are not really feeling it! All because you don’t trust that your heart has the capacity to cope with feelings.
Let me give you an example.
Say you feel like you suck at making friends. You really want friends but every time a friendship candidate gets a bit too close, you pull away. You are worried that they will discover you’re a sucky friend and head for the hills. As a result you have no close and meaningful friendships, which only reinforces the belief that you suck at friends. You are not in the car.
The truth is you don’t suck, but you are not even willing to get in the car and have an experience. You are avoiding the whole darn lot in order to not feel uncomfortable. And you are uncomfortable anyway!
I am suggesting that instead of playing this not-in-the-car game, try hopping in the driver’s seat and getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. You will feel scared, may find pain and could face the possibility of rejection.
But I guarantee that feeling uncomfortable for a moment is so much less strenuous and disappointing than not being in the car at all.
When you trust that your heart can deal with feeling discomfort, you step into life in a much more wholesome way.
I believe your heart is the most impressive and capable organ in your body and feeling is its job! It rocks at feeling and can juice the wisdom out of every little bit of your discomfort – if you let it.
Imagine stepping into life believing that your heart could handle it all: fear, sadness and rejection. What freedom!
Tip: Practice feeling uncomfortable with the little things, like hunger, running late or disappointment. Sit with it, be present and breathe. If you need a little help, try this heart healing meditation.
Grab those keys and hop in the car.
2. Choose yourself (or, drive in your own direction)
You were told how to drive. You watched your parents and other responsible adults drive when you were growing up and they instilled in you that there was a right way and a wrong way. Staying safe meant adhering to the right way.
We have been taught to live in the same way. But driving like that sucks out the joy because it is not really you.
It does not feel powerful.
The good news is that you have choices. That is where your power lies.
You can choose to continue pleasing others. Or you can choose you. You can get behind yourself and own the way that you like to do things. You can choose the way you look, the quirky little things you do, the places you go, the dreams you pursue.
You are here on this planet as a perfect spirit in an imperfect human casing. For many of us, we have these memories of perfection very strongly coded in our being and it is hard to let go. It feels incredibly draining to be impossibly messy in this fleshy suit. But this my friend is the whole point.
You chose this. You could have stayed in the blissed out oneness, but you chose to have experiences, you chose to heal, you chose to be human and the lesson that you need to learn in this body of yours is acceptance.
Accept you. Love you. And drive your car your way.
If you don’t, you’ll be waiting a very long time for the approval you desire. No one else has the capacity to approve of your way because they don’t have the inner sensation of alignment to know whether it is right or wrong for you.
Your direction is only ever right or wrong in relation to you; to your integrity, your values, your soul voice, your purpose, your heart.
So choose to drive this car in alignment with what feels right for you. Once you give yourself this freedom, you may realise it’s actually a very small shift, like turning the music up load or opening the sunroof.
Let’s start a choose me revolution.
How can you choose yourself today? Own it, back yourself and stand by yourself through thick or thin. Be your own bloody champion. (And maybe share with us how you’re doing it, via #ichooseme.)
Drive that car your way.
3. Know your desires (or, get a good road map)
It’s simple really: know what you want.
You are driving around trying to follow other people’s maps. Trying to do what is right by everyone else, trying to get all your ducks in a row, trying to have the good job, the perfect marriage, the obedient kids, the fashionable hair ‘do – but you feel more lost than ever. This map is useless.
This map is not yours.
This map is external. And the goalposts are always changing so we remain in a constant state of anxiety, worrying if we have taken the right road. And without an internal reference to go by, we can never let up, never relax.
The whole thing is doomed to anxiety and disconnection and will use a whole heap of emotional fuel.
How can we possibly navigate our way without knowing what we want?
What we want is the map. And the desire for it is the fuel.
When we lose track of what we want – how we want to feel, what things make us feel that way and our soul’s yearnings – we stifle our inner voice.
It is so easy for us to lose track of what we want. We get sucked into worrying about pleasing others and then we put our desires on hold. Or we decide that we never get what we want and the disappointment makes us push our dreams aside.
But desire is a guidepost. It is nudges from your soul voice (that part of you that wants the most fulfilling and satisfying life for you) and when we suffocate our desire, we have no signposts, no map, and no deep connection with ourselves to navigate by.
Inviting back desire, love, pleasure, wanting, dreaming and visioning is like finding a treasure map – one that empowers you to make choices that serve your fulfilment.
What can be more powerful than knowing what you want?
Tip: Start a vision board. Work out your core desired feelings. Or embrace pleasure.
Grab that map and off you go.
I look forward to hearing of your adventures, as you journey in your car, your way, with the right road map. Your power is yours to own and when you step into your power, you are radiant, purposeful and you light up the world.
Be unapologetically you and be kind to yourself beyond your wildest dreams.
Lots of love
I’m Nicole Mathieson, a kinesiologist and intimacy coach. I help you to tune in and turn on, stepping out into the world from a place of deep intimacy with yourself. Work with me one-on-one and turn towards a fulfilling, heartfelt love with yourself. Book your first 30-minute Skype session, free.