“Let go of the outcome. Fall in love with the mystery of life.”
These were the words I scribbled down at a recent event hosted by Susana Frioni.
Letting go doesn’t come naturally to my inner control freak. She wants to know exactly what’s around the next corner. This is probably why, for most of my life, I made well-planned, “safe” decisions.
Of course, these kinds of decisions don’t necessarily make a happy life.
Have you ever had that feeling that your life isn’t quite right? You can’t quite put your finger on it but something just smells a little… off?
That was my life in a nutshell.
The job, the university degree, the relationships, even myself personally. They were all… wrong somehow.
On the surface it all looked fine. But underneath there was a stinky, stinky smell.
Sounds dramatic, right? Well, what’s more dramatic than living a life that you weren’t destined to live?
I’d been making decisions from an ego-driven space. My mind, in conjunction with my inner control freak, had been completely running the show.
When I realised this and began to turn inwards, I got the sense that there was something amazing and breathtaking out there for me. I felt that I was here to do important work (as I believe we all are).
Yet, as I watched so many other women around me find their passion, start successful businesses and create incredible change, I felt lost and disheartened.
What I was doing wasn’t right and I knew there had to be something else, but I had no idea what that “something else” was. How could such contradicting feelings exist?
I started cringing whenever I heard the words “follow your passion”. What if you don’t know what your passion is?
Frustratingly, after months of asking, wishing, and hoping, I was still pulling up blanks. Obviously, what I was doing wasn’t working so I decided to shake things up a bit.
I quit my job. Packed up my house in Brisbane. Traded it all in for a campervan named Walter, loaded Rosie my push-bike on the back and headed off on a nine month journey of soul discovery around Australia.
Yup. When I’m in, I’m all in.
This could all sound like the mutterings of a crazy person. But what is life if it doesn’t involve at least a few risks?
So here I am, at the beginning of my journey. I’m in Tasmania right now. And I have a stowaway! Koren has come home from Spain to join me on the first part of my adventure. Dreams really do come true!
I’ve told my inner control freak that there’s traffic lights out in downtown New York and she’s needed over there to control traffic. Back here, my intuitive gypsy, with her long wavy hair, bright smile and flowing dresses, guided by the callings of my soul, is now running the show.
Let’s see what mischief we can get up to.
Jokes aside, this is a time to deepen the connection I have with my own self. All my decisions will be made by what “feels” right. I’m relinquishing my tight-held hands from the handlebars of my life and letting my heart and soul take control.
Honestly? It’s freaking scary.
Yet I keep coming back to Susana’s words. I’m learning to fall in love with the mystery of life.
Let’s do this, Universe. I’m leaning into your gentle, warm embrace and trusting you know exactly what you’re doing.
Have you ever taken a scary risk? I love hearing inspirational stories from other women going through the same thing. I’d love to hear your story in the comments below.
Oh! And if you’re interested, you can follow my adventure over at Insty, especially via the hashtags #avannamedwalter and #shemakesmagictravel.